This weekend turned out to be about everything Simpson. First, the movie. Best. Movie. Ever. Then there was the endless episodes of Tivo’d Simpsons. Then, the crowning moment: the trip to the Kwik-E-Mart. 11 7-Eleven stores across North America were converted into Krusty-O’s-selling, Squishee-squeezing, Buzz-Cola-chugging, pink-donut-hocking Kwik-E-Marts which were run amok by 20-somethings taking pictures. Do you know what Squishees, donuts, sugar-coated cereal and cola does to a person? I don’t remember! Good thing we documented it.
Archive for the 'Entertainment' Category
Only once in a lifetime does a condiment come into existence that can change a generation. I say “come into existence” because I do not believe that something this good, this sacred can be merely dreamed up in a kitchen or laboratory. It believe it simply came into existence through pure fate, as if the ingredients were set into motion toward each other by some celestial power, ultimately finding their resting place between two pieces of questionable polymer resin. Chick-fil-A Honey Roasted BBQ Sauce is the aforementioned sweet yet savory flavoring. Although your taste buds will find perfect bliss with Waffle Fries dipped in Chick-fil-A Honey Roasted BBQ Sauce, don’t let it stop there. Try it on your sandwich. Try it on your pizza. Even try it on your McDonald’s Grilled Club Chicken Select Sandwich on a whole wheat bun (hold the mayo). After one visit to condimentary utopia, ketchup will seem so 2006. Praise be to mono sodium glutamate.
In 1967, Cookie Monster made his first public appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show in the clip below. The same sketch was performed in the same year for an IBM training video. Maybe this explains why IBM no longer makes consumer computers. Obviously, the name “Cookie Monster” came at a later date: 1969, when Sesame Street began its first season.
One of my favorite short stories is Mark Twain’s Story of the Good Little Boy, which is a satire on Sunday School/Sabbath School type stories.
ONCE there was a good little boy by the name of Jacob Blivens. He always obeyed his parents, no matter how absurd and unreasonable their demands were; and he always learned his book, and never was late at Sabbath school. He would not play hookey, even when his sober judgment told him it was the most profitable thing he could do. None of the other boys could ever make that boy out, he acted so strangely. He wouldn’t lie, no matter how convenient it was. He just said it was wrong to lie, and that was sufficient for him. And he was so honest that he was simply ridiculous…
Link.
So apparently for April Fool’s day, Alanis Morissette released a cover of My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas.
The lyrical remake of this song just seems to highlight how ridiculous the lyrics really are.
And for your reference:
If any of you have not yet seen Kelly’s music video for Shoes, do it now. Note: the audio from the following video may offend innocent bystanders.
Last night I went out for dinner with Preston, Karla, and David. We’re sitting around reciting lines from the video (which is just as quotable as Napoleon Dynamite) when our waitress comes over. “Fiscal responsibility.” “Tom Skerritt.” Our waitress chimes in with “Shoes.”, which nearly made me pee my pants.
When it was time for the check, instead of signing my receipt with may name, I signed it “Shoes.”, and Preston signed it “Tom Skerritt”.
So this afternoon I’m walking with Karla to her car. As I often do, I’m rambling on about some uninteresting story which I can no longer recall, when she lets out a shriek of disgust. Was my story really that bad? I know they are dull on occasion, but there was no need to hurt my feelings. Then she turned around an showed me that a bird pooped on her jacket and glove. It missed her hair, so I think she will recover.
End of story.
Which reminds me of another story: a few years back I was in Florida with my family. We took an afternoon trip to the Everglades. Everything was set up and ready to go: a boardwalk far away from any shower, a large tree with a branch stretched over the boardwalk, and a very large and, apparently, well-fed bird. I don’t remember what type of bird it was, maybe a crane, maybe an albatross, could have been an ostrich. It is all very fuzzy. Enter lovey-dovy couple, under branch. The unfortunate girl became, unfortunately, covered from head to toe, unfortunately.
I bet Karla’s glad she’s in Maryland, not Florida.
While I was at lunch today I got a message at work from LaFawnduh. Now I need to call her back without laughing.
If you don’t know why this is funny, you are out of the loop.
Recent Comments