Yesterday while removing my address from Direct Mail America’s database, I was presented with this crap:
Important: You have selected to eliminate all mailings from organizations participating in the DMA Mail Preference Service.
Are you sure you want to proceed?
The average household can save $1422 dollars per year from marketing offers. By eliminating all mail offers not only will you miss out on these savings, but you’ll miss out on at least 80% of all commercial offers and discounts!
And you will miss the environmental benefits of shopping at home rather than driving to the mall!
By replacing just two shopping trips to the mall each year with shopping by catalogs or direct mail, DMA estimates that Americans could:
- Reduce the amount we drive by 3.3 billion miles.
- Reduce carbon dioxide emissions by more than 3 billion pounds.
- Save more than $490 million on gas costs.
$1,422 per year? Really?
I had perhaps the most disturbing dream: I dreamt that I sharted my pants. It wouldn’t have been so disturbing had I not immediately upon waking up had to make sure that it really was only a dream. I was safe.
If you haven’t seen Improv Everywhere yet, you really need to check them out. David just sent me a link to this one.
[youtube dkYZ6rbPU2M nolink]
I find it kind of odd that the biggest spectator reactions in this video are from black people. They kind of looked disgusted. Maybe it has something to do with this.
Another advantage of riding a bicycle: you can zoom right by the homeless people and they don’t even try bothering you. Far more effective than listening to my iPod. With an iPod, you have to be all “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m listening to my expensive iPod.” But when on a bike you zip right by before their forty-marinated brains have time to realize what’s going on.
I have never purchased a pharmaceutical drug with a MySpace page before last night.  I’m trying to get sick just so I can see if it actually works.
I just realized yesterday how old I’m getting when I couldn’t remember when toothpaste tubes were switched from aluminum to plastic. I attempted to save some sink space by rolling the bottom up, only to discover that the tube would not stay.
So apparently Altoids do have a shelf life. I discovered a tin of Wintergreen that I purchased about three years ago, still sealed in plastic. Usually the curiously strong mints are curiously strong. Not anymore. More like mildly mint flavored sugar tablets.
Fall is in the air. People are wearing jackets and hats, the leaves have changed color, and the prostitutes are on the prowl looking for someone to keep them warm.
Yeah, about that… yesterday on my way home from work, I walked through Acorn Park, where I passed what was either a hooker or a homeless person who spent her booze money in the cosmetic aisle of Dollar General.
She smiled at me.
This morning as I was waiting for my ride from the Park & Ride in Columbia, I saw a van pull up. My first thought was, “That looks like the van of prisoners I see cleaning up trash alongside the road.” It was. I thought, “Maybe they are just turning around.” they weren’t. About ten terrifying looking convicts piled out of the van around me, four of them wandered lazily to the two trash bins to empty them while the others laughed and ran around aimlessly for a good five minutes. I knew it was not the time to freak out. All I could think was, “They do not look like they are in prison for tax fraud or computer hacking.” To be suddenly and unexpectedly surrounded by ten convicts on your commute to work… Ten men who obviously have nothing better to do than lift weights and cut themselves… unnerving.
The whole work program seemed very inefficient. I know efficiency isn’t the purpose, but I’m sure the woman driving the van would have been able to empty both trash cans in half the time it took the ten guys. Well it was either a woman or Wayne Newton without hair dye. I’m going with Wayne Newton. I don’t think his career is hot stuff right now.
If I’m not taking pictures of chicken-eating squirrels, I’m definitely not taking pictures of what, for all I know, could be people-eating convicts.
I call this, Budget Cuts.
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