jimmy.thewhatwhat.com » silly observations

Junk mail saves you money?

Jimmy — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:47:32 +0000

Yesterday while removing my address from Direct Mail America’s database, I was presented with this crap:

Important: You have selected to eliminate all mailings from organizations participating in the DMA Mail Preference Service.

Are you sure you want to proceed?

The average household can save $1422 dollars per year from marketing offers. By eliminating all mail offers not only will you miss out on these savings, but you’ll miss out on at least 80% of all commercial offers and discounts!

And you will miss the environmental benefits of shopping at home rather than driving to the mall!

By replacing just two shopping trips to the mall each year with shopping by catalogs or direct mail, DMA estimates that Americans could:

Reduce the amount we drive by 3.3 billion miles.

Reduce carbon dioxide emissions by more than 3 billion pounds.

Save more than $490 million on gas costs.

$1,422 per year? Really?

Shart

Jimmy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 01:14:14 +0000

I had perhaps the most disturbing dream: I dreamt that I sharted my pants. It wouldn’t have been so disturbing had I not immediately upon waking up had to make sure that it really was only a dream. I was safe.

Napkin, please

Jimmy — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 02:12:12 +0000

If you haven’t seen Improv Everywhere yet, you really need to check them out. David just sent me a link to this one.

[youtube dkYZ6rbPU2M nolink]

I find it kind of odd that the biggest spectator reactions in this video are from black people. They kind of looked disgusted. Maybe it has something to do with this.

Bike vs. iPod

Jimmy — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:55:40 +0000

Another advantage of riding a bicycle: you can zoom right by the homeless people and they don’t even try bothering you. Far more effective than listening to my iPod. With an iPod, you have to be all “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m listening to my expensive iPod.” But when on a bike you zip right by before their forty-marinated brains have time to realize what’s going on.

Trash bag leakage

Jimmy — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 15:57:40 +0000

I have never purchased a pharmaceutical drug with aÂ MySpace pageÂ before last night. Â I’m trying to get sick just so I can see ifÂ itÂ actually works.

You might be getting old if…

Jimmy — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:55:07 +0000

I just realized yesterday how old I’m getting when I couldn’t remember when toothpaste tubes were switched from aluminum to plastic. I attempted to save some sink space by rolling the bottom up, only to discover that the tube would not stay.

Curiously disappointing

Jimmy — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 02:05:02 +0000

So apparently Altoids do have a shelf life. I discovered a tin of Wintergreen that I purchased about three years ago, still sealed in plastic. Usually the curiously strong mints are curiously strong. Not anymore. More like mildly mint flavored sugar tablets.

Fall is in the air

Jimmy — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:20:45 +0000

Fall is in the air. People are wearing jackets and hats, the leaves have changed color, and the prostitutes are on the prowl looking for someone to keep them warm.

Yeah, about that… yesterday on my way home from work, I walked through Acorn Park, where I passed what was either a hooker or a homeless person who spent her booze money in the cosmetic aisle of Dollar General.

She smiled at me.

Not your average maidservice

Jimmy — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 23:01:33 +0000

This morning as I was waiting for my ride from the Park & Ride in Columbia, I saw a van pull up. My first thought was, “That looks like the van of prisoners I see cleaning up trash alongside the road.” It was. I thought, “Maybe they are just turning around.” they weren’t. About ten terrifying looking convicts piled out of the van around me, four of them wandered lazily to the two trash bins to empty them while the others laughed and ran around aimlessly for a good five minutes. I knew it was not the time to freak out. All I could think was, “They do not look like they are in prison for tax fraud or computer hacking.” To be suddenly and unexpectedly surrounded by ten convicts on your commute to work… Ten men who obviously have nothing better to do than lift weights and cut themselves… unnerving.

The whole work program seemed very inefficient. I know efficiency isn’t the purpose, but I’m sure the woman driving the van would have been able to empty both trash cans in half the time it took the ten guys. Well it was either a woman or Wayne Newton without hair dye. I’m going with Wayne Newton. I don’t think his career is hot stuff right now.

If I’m not taking pictures of chicken-eating squirrels, I’m definitely not taking pictures of what, for all I know, could be people-eating convicts.

Half Price

Jimmy — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 22:30:34 +0000

I call this, Budget Cuts.

Repellant

Jimmy — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 18:18:22 +0000

Am I the only person who gets a fair amount of satisfaction when listening to my iPod from the fact that it makes it much easier to ignore homeless/crazy people I pass? Am I the only person who, for the same reason, will wear my headphones even if I can’t find my iPod or if my battery is dead, while I stick the unplugged end into my pocket?

Indian food

Jimmy — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 17:07:10 +0000

At our office, it has become a recent tradition to go to a local Indian buffet for lunch on Fridays. Many of us have just been introduced to Indian food, but we have still learned what all the different words mean and we know what to expect now. Paneer = cheese. Naan = bread.

I have noticed recently that most often at the lunch buffets, most of the tables are other groups of office people on lunch break. That actually isn’t the surprising part. In probably close to half of these groups, I have noticed that there is precisely one Indian person in the group. Not two, but one. I can imagine that at about 10:30 this morning there was a conversation which I will demonstrate verbatim:

Joe Whitey: You know what? I really could go for some Indian food today! But I never know what to get. Hey, Sameer would know what to get, let’s have him go with us. Hey, Sameer, we’re getting Indian food, you want to come with us? You always know what’s good.

Sameer: Okay, fine.

Sameer’s internal dialog: Just once I wish we could go to fucking Fuddrucker’s!

Tequito

Jimmy — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 20:48:55 +0000

I like tequila. I like mojitos. If I could find a way to combine them, synergy: Tequito!

Or has that name already been taken?

Potter kills

Jimmy — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 13:50:40 +0000

“I worry he’s just waiting for the last Harry Potter book to come out before he kills himself.”

onesentence.org

Queen of the Galaxy

Jimmy — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:31:31 +0000

Last night we attended “BarBarella-Q”, a screening of Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy which was part of the “Summer Camp” movie series at the Hirshhorn Museum. While the movie was terrifically camp from the zero-g spacesuit strip with music by Burt Bacharach to the floor, wall and ceiling shag carpet of her space ship to Dr. Durand Durand’s Excessive Machine (yes, Duran Duran took their name from the movie), what I found much more interesting was that hundreds of very interesting people would stand in line to see a forty year old film that was a box office flop. And never since I moved to the DC metro area have I seen such an un-diverse group of people. It was almost uncomfortable. Out of the 200 or so people that they fit in the theater, I counted two black men and an Asian guy. Is there something uniquely white about camp humor or about science fiction? Also interesting to note is that nearly all of the men in the audience were either older straight men or young gay men.

“What’s that screaming? A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.” -Jane Fonda as Barbarella

“Our password is… ‘LlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwIIllantysiliogogogoch.” -Dildano

Our modern age

Jimmy — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:02:53 +0000

Did you know that the refrigerator magnet was invented in 1964? It’s hard to believe, because I was growing up in the 1980′s. 1964 + 20 years = 1984. 1984 + 20 years = 2004. So 1964 is only about twice as long ago as I can remember.

Also, wrist watches were not worn by men until WWI.

Link.

Conciseness is a virtue

Jimmy — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:02:19 +0000

Today on the commute home I was stopped at a traffic light behind a car that had a very wordy bumper sticker. Five lines to be exact. The text was so small that in my attempt to read the bumper sticker I was distracted from its message. I don’t remember what it said. Just that the text was tiny. I prefer Heather’s bumper sticker: “F the President”

Swimmer’s Build

Jimmy — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 14:43:25 +0000

Note step 23 at this link.

Dreams

Jimmy — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 14:08:19 +0000

I know many people, myself included, will sometimes dream about waking up, showering, preparing for work, and then when you actually wake up you are angered because you have to go through the whole process a second time.

This morning I woke up parched at 2AM. I did what I thought was get out of bed and get a glass of water and then crawl back into bed.Â I woke up again at 3AM, even thirstier than before, only to realize that I never actually got out of bed for a drink earlier, but had dreamed the entire event.

Haircut

Jimmy — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:22:15 +0000

I’m pretty sure it’s time to get my hair cut. Do you know how I know? This morning I was walking down the hall at work and every time I took a step, I could feel my faux hawk bounce. Yeah, it’s getting too long.