At our office, it has become a recent tradition to go to a local Indian buffet for lunch on Fridays. Many of us have just been introduced to Indian food, but we have still learned what all the different words mean and we know what to expect now. Paneer = cheese. Naan = bread.
I have noticed recently that most often at the lunch buffets, most of the tables are other groups of office people on lunch break. That actually isn’t the surprising part. In probably close to half of these groups, I have noticed that there is precisely one Indian person in the group. Not two, but one. I can imagine that at about 10:30 this morning there was a conversation which I will demonstrate verbatim:
Joe Whitey: You know what? I really could go for some Indian food today! But I never know what to get. Hey, Sameer would know what to get, let’s have him go with us. Hey, Sameer, we’re getting Indian food, you want to come with us? You always know what’s good.
Sameer: Okay, fine.
Sameer’s internal dialog: Just once I wish we could go to fucking Fuddrucker’s!
A few days ago at work, I received a phone call from someone trying to sell printer toner. He started rambling on about how his company can save us money, blah blah, get the models of your printers, blah blah blah. I interrupted him to use the magic phrase: No, I’m not interested. Put us on your do-not-call list.
I use that phrase perhaps once or twice a day. I don’t know if they actually do have a do-not-call list, but it always gets them off the phone in a hurry. This time however, my demand was returned with a very short “Why you gotta be like that? I’m just trying to save you money.” He continued with his sales pitch. I interrupted him agin. “No. Don’t call back again!” to which he responded, “You know what I’m going to do for you? I’m going to put you on everyone’s call list! Hahaha!” Click.
Hmmm… I didn’t want to buy toner from him before, but since he puts it that way…
I wish I had caught the company name, but I didn’t. I tried *69, but I don’t think I got the right line.
My aunt cracked up the other day when she was looking at the Bank of America statement because there were several places that said “B of A”. She was reading the lines to me and I thought she was saying Beauffa, because she was.
Or at least that’s what someone called to tell me at work this morning.
I got a phone call from someone (I won’t give her name, email address, or mailing address to “protect” her, so let’s call her Haloperidol) who said that the company I work for is working with the CDC and the military to develop viruses but not to develop cures. We are transporting these viruses around the world, apparently creating a lot of logistic confusion so that we can provide these viruses to terrorists. Haloperidol tells me that we need to stop doing what we are doing or she will take this information to the media (Fox News?).
So i guess she’d rather live in an age of Polio and Smallpox?
Haloperidol told me that she was recording our conversation as evidence. She spewed her craziness for some time, while I just listed. I didn’t want to shut her up because it was too entertaining. The profanities increased near the end, with a final explosion of profanity and a “The Lord is coming soon”.
I also learned today that HIV is not a sexually transmitted disease.
Damn Warren Buffet and Bill and Melinda Gates! You had us fooled!
Beeteedub, I work for a biotech company who supplies viruses to universities, government, and pharmaceutical companies for research.
While I was at lunch today I got a message at work from LaFawnduh. Now I need to call her back without laughing.
If you don’t know why this is funny, you are out of the loop.
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